What is character?

In our house, recently, we've been having a problem with a little person lying to us about things--silly things, not significant enough to cause major damage, but important enough to cause concern for the root of the problem.  We are laboriously trying to instill in her (oh, she'd be mortified that I am sharing this with you, but maybe when she's in her teens and reads this, she'll appreciate that it was a teachable moment) the values of honesty and trust, but for some reason I can't seem to see the reason or cause of the lying.  Maybe I can't see the forest for the trees, but this has been a tough parenting lesson for me.
I know we all think our kids can do no wrong, but I feel like I'm pretty aware of the fact that they do sometimes screw up and aren't the angels I thought.  I want to believe that they are good, stand-up kids, but this really has me reeling.

I originally thought that she was acting out because of the impending start of school.  We imposed some pretty tough punishments prior to learning from a wise friend that we were missing the point--what is the consequence of lying?  The recipient doesn't trust you anymore.  Hello!?!  I have ended friendships because of the petty lies that people have told me.  If I can't trust the person to tell me the truth about the silly details of life, then how can I trust them with the important things?  I guess I just never thought that I would have this same issue with my daughter. . . at age 7!  But, how do I explain this to her so that she will understand?  I've tried, but I don't think she "gets it".  So now, we're back to taking things away, but I don't see this affecting her like I thought it would.

It happened again today, and it was personal this time--an invasion of my personal things causing a frustrating morning.  And it's been excruciating trying to get her to fess up.  I still think I only have half the story.  But, seriously, this is when I wish that God gave us a parenting manual upon conception (Some of you are saying, "He did--the Bible!"  but it's so nebulous.  Can I get some literal direction here, Lord?!)

Through various people and situations in my life, I had learned that lying "a little bit" was culturally okay and would avoid hurt feelings.  It took me over 30 years to realize that this is total horse%$@ and causes so many problems.  This type of thinking caused me to have incredibly low self-esteem, created "toxic knots" in my stomach on occasions too numerous to count (I need to write a whole post on those darn knots!), led me to regretfully ruin a perfectly wonderful, loving relationship as a dumb freshman in college, and kept me from having the best and truest relationships with God and from realizing who really cared about me.  Small lies lead to bigger ones, and it is never okay to do it, whether it feels like you should or not!  Many people I know see things as one way or the other without seeing a perspective in between (I sometimes look at it as seeing everything as black or white and no gray in between--not a race thing, but a color chart analogy.  Make sense?).  On most issues, I feel like I'm someone who can see the gray.  But on this issue, I see red!  Honesty is the best policy!  It will lead you to feeling right and good.  Why can't I seem to get that through her head?????

Dan recently sent me a link to this great article from the New York Times, "What if the Secret to Success Is Failure?".  I was appalled at the title, but it certainly got me to read further, and I think that you might enjoy it, too.  It's a fantastic, yet long, article that supports much of what I believe about education and being successful.  This article also provides other resources to read (I plan to buy the books it mentions.) in order to instill in my own kids the character traits including grit and self-control that will lead to a successful life.  I just wish I could read, like, super fast so that I could kick this lying bug in the butt!

If I forget in the future, send me a note to update you about this issue.
Thanks for reading!  ;)